Archive for September, 2009

The Bahamas — a third-world country built around a pier

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009

And the Bahamian women all looked like Warren Sapp, but uglier.

And sweatier.

And meaner.

Samantha is right about the unpleasant odor on the fifth deck, though. Very foul. Putrid even. The ship’s name should have been The Sewer of the Seas rather than The Monarch of the Seas. It was essentially a floating Port-O-Let. But at least we had the comfort of our room to retreat to. Hahahahaha, I’m just kidding! Our room was roughly the size of our walk-in closet at home, without the amenities! It was so small you had to leave the room to change your mind! (I stole that line from ALF.) The beds, and I’m hesitant to call them that, were torture devices. Think of three rows of cinder blocks with an occasional steel pole lying on top, just to break the monotony. There is no way that Obama would force the precious little darlings at Gitmo to sleep on these.

We did have a TV, thank God, but the screen was slightly smaller than my watch face. We had a handful of cable channels to choose from, but, naturally, not the ones showing the defending National Champion Florida Gators or FSU. We had to go to Senor Frog’s in Nassau to watch the Gators and we had to read the ticker to find out about FSU’s shocking upset of the BYU Fighting Cultists. If you haven’t been to Senor Frog’s, it’s like a bar that you might have found outside of our former Subic Bay base in the Philippines.

Hmmm, what other features am I forgetting? The water pressure? Akin to a leaky faucet. The bathroom? A phone booth with a toilet. Closet space? Not bad, actually. Towel animals? We got screwed. Our cabin steward (also named Senor Frog, coincidentally) was lazy and made just one, although it was a pretty darned good monkey. The food? Pretty good. The crew? Decent. The on-board newsletter said that the crew was made-up of 61 nationalities, which is interesting, but it would have been better if even one of them could speak English!

The price? $139 per person for an Oceanview Room! Not an inside cabin, not a porthole, not an obstructed view, an Oceanview!

So, all-in-all, I’ll give it a thumbs up! 🙂


The Incredible Stinking Ship…

Monday, September 21st, 2009

Hello, all! Mark and I just got back from a 3-night cruise to the Bahamas on Royal Caribbean’s Monarch of the Seas. It was a lot of fun despite the fact that the inside of the ship smelled akin to a backed up sewage line! We got a little too much sun yesterday at Coco Cay, but I reckon we’ll survive. We were both very happy as the Gators pulled it out versus Tennessee and FSU won big against the BYU Mormons (who were supposed to trounce us bigtime). Also, if anyone hasn’t seen it yet, Mark was published in the Daytona Beach News-Journal. Check out his book review here: Mark’s Review.

Hope everybody is doing well!

Mark’s Quote of the day

Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009

I saw a lady on TV. She was born without arms. Literally, she was born with her hands attached to her shoulders… and that was sad, but then they said, “Lola does not know the meaning of the word ‘can’t.'” And that to me was kinda worse… in a way… ya know? Not only does she not have arms, but she doesn’t understand simple contractions. It’s very simple Lola, you just take two words, you put them together, then you take out the middle letters, you put a comma in there and you raise it up!

–Mitch Hedberg