Archive for April, 2009

Mark’s Quote of the Day

Tuesday, April 28th, 2009

When you buy a box of Ritz crackers, on the back of the box, they have all these suggestions as to what to put on top of the Ritz. “Try it with turkey and cheese. Try it with peanut butter.” But I like crackers man, that’s why I bought it, ’cause I like crackers! I didn’t buy them because they’re little edible plates! You’ve got no faith in the product itself.

–Mitch Hedberg

Mark’s Quote of the Day

Thursday, April 23rd, 2009

The brave men who died in Vietnam, more than 100% of which were black, were the ultimate sacrifice.

–Former Washington, D.C. Mayor Marion Barry

Mark’s Quote of the Day

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws. Only catapults.

–Demetri Martin

Mark’s Quote of the Day

Monday, April 20th, 2009

It’s too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.

–Jack Handley

Mark’s Quote of the Day

Friday, April 17th, 2009

An alligator is a much faster swimmer than a human, and can also outrun us on land. So if you ever enter a triathlon against an alligator, you’d better build up a huge lead in the bicycling.

— Unknown

Mark’s Quote of the Day

Thursday, April 16th, 2009

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself. Mankind. Basically, it’s made up of two separate words—’mank’ and ‘ind’. What do these words mean? It’s a mystery, and that’s why so is mankind.

–Jack Handley

Mark’s Quote of the Day

Tuesday, April 14th, 2009

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

–Demetri Martin

Mark’s Quote of the Day

Thursday, April 9th, 2009

You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he’s real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

–Jack Handley

Mark’s Quote of the Day

Wednesday, April 8th, 2009

On cable TV they have a weather channel – 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window.

— Dan Spencer